It is the first day of my writing class with the feminist journalist teacher and I am excited. However. Also today, in two entirely separate incidences, strange men make kissing noises at me. Presumably because they think I am pretty. Of course I get rude kissy noises on day I get to meet the feminist teacher that I am so excited to be working with. Of course.

 

What’s really weird is that I can’t even summon the energy to be angry about it. Or even particularly upset about it. I’m giving the emotional equivalent of a shrug right now. Let’s be clear, I do not want random men I don’t know to make kissing noises at me, or call me baby, or in any way communicate to me that they find me sexually attractive or let me know that they would be interested in sex with me, just you know, in case that might be an option.

 

It is not an option.

 

Most of the time, we don’t need to share with others whether we find them sexually attractive. Your mom might happen to be smokin’ hot but that doesn’t mean you need to communicate to her. Hey mom, not to be weird or anything, but you are for sure bangable.

 

Happy fucking Mother’s Day.

 

No. We don’t need to tell everyone we meet whether we think they’re sexy or not, just like we don’t need to tell everyone about our bowel movements. It’s just one of those things that, for the most part, doesn’t need to be talked about. Because it get’s awkward and horrible really fast. There are particular instances where these are appropriate things to talk about, like when you are talking to your doctor. Or when it is apparent that there might be a mutual sexual attraction. Try not to confuse these two examples. Things will get weird real fast.

 

The rules of polite conversation just make life less awkward for everyone and you should follow them EVEN IF THAT GIRL OVER THERE IS HOT. She probably doesn’t need to hear it yelled from someone across the street.

 

I’m not sure how serious it is to have two people make kissy noises at me. I don’t know if it’s like the verbal sexual assault product of rape culture thing. Sometimes it is. In this instance, maybe it was just gross and annoying. But even if it isn’t that serious, really, is it so much to ask not to have random strangers make sex-related noises at me? If a bunch of women say, hey we don’t like this could you maybe stop, shouldn’t that be enough? But no, apparently.

 

Maybe we just haven’t been clear enough. I have a plan. Anyone who is interested in action (not that kind of action) here is my plan. If you’re not concerned about this as an issue you can stop reading because this won’t be relevant to you and also there’s a good chance I don’t like you anyway and would prefer that you just go away. Okay. The rest of you, every time you meet someone who you suspect might not be clear on the whole catcalling topic, try to try to slip it into casual conversation that you (or women you know)  dislike being catcalled. Try to add in that most women you know also dislike it. Like, hey, you can use the water cooler first because I’m going to fill my giant two liter water bottle. While he (or she, you never know) is filling his (or her) cup, try this line: I read this really interesting blog post recently about how most women don’t like having sexual or romantic comments yelled at them on the street by random humans. Isn’t that interesting and did you know that and will you be sure not to catcall in the future if that was something you were maybe thinking about doing?

 

Be subtle, it can help with these sorts of delicate issues.